Growing up as a child I experienced many unusual and unexplainable things. I can remember at an early age of 4 playing with Arthur my imaginary friend, but to me he was real, and I could see and hear him. This was not an issue with my mother but my father did not condone it and I was punished if I was caught playing with Arthur. I learned so much from Arthur about things I was not supposed to know and I did not know better than to repeat it to my parents. Boy did I get in trouble.
I was considered an odd or strange person and people did not like to be around me unless it was with other people or if my family was with me. I never could figure out why and no one would really tell me. I always thought it was on account of my hearing disability. Other students did not associate with me because I wore a hearing aid, and I had speech impairment. I became a loner and became introverted. All the while many other things were happening to me, and it totally confused me, and I became rebellious on account of. Our family life was a disaster, dad was a violent alcoholic and he abused us repeatedly for anything. We avoided dad whenever possible or just got lost period and stayed away from him. We were safer that way, at least most of the time.
I had many visions, intuitions and premonitions, as well as OOBE growing up and when I did express them to family members they accused me of eavesdropping on them or for being nosey. I got in so much trouble over these abilities that I finally just stopped letting them know that I knew something anyway. I got tired of them calling me a liar or beating me up. I was most times in the dog house as a result. My dog Butch did not mind sharing his house with me. hahaha.
It was difficult for me to be myself. I did have a few outside friends growing up, but even that was limited to visiting times and with whom I could be friends with, and I usually had to stay in the living room area. This however changed once I became a teenager and began working and making some money. Little did I know that the money I made was going to have to go back into the household paying rent, electric, gas, groceries, and so on. I did not like this arrangement since my other brothers were not contributing to the expenses. I became very hateful and resentful of them and my parents. Over the years I provided for my twin brother and one other brother (Steve). Bill Jr., my oldest Brother, had already left the nest leaving Steve, me and my twin Danny. I was in co-op in high school where I went to school half the day and worked the rest of the day, if I was scheduled to work. I pretty much kept my schedule full so I would not be at home. I enjoyed working as it kept my mind occupied and me busy.
I can relate much to knowing about Kundalini through reading materials such as books and so on. I also have a rather large collection myself in which I am very proud of my library. How I came about “KNOWING” of Kundalini was when I was in the hospital in 2004 after a near death experience along with other medical issues. I awoke with this foreign, strange word on the forefront of my brain. I was completely confused and baffled and dismissed it as being disoriented. However, over a few days I became really troubled about this new found word as it would not leave my thoughts. I was not in the greatest of health during this time and I needed so much help to live and stay alive. I did not have at that time a friend with whom I could trust to express this openly with, at least I did not feel that I did.
One morning a friend of mine came to visit me in the hospital, her name is Sandra. I have known her for about 2 years by then and I asked her to bring me anything, something to read other than the newspaper or magazines, I had already read everything there was available on the hospital floor. She brought me a book she had in her jeep titled “REIKI”. This opened up a terrific conversation for discussion as I was always interested in Reiki but did not know anyone who actually performed Reiki. I learned she was fixing to become certified and I was so excited for her too. I asked her if she was metaphysical as this is what I was more interested in. She expressed to me that she was, and Oh Boy, was that a relief to me. I told her I was too. This was the very beginning of a very fond and personal friendship together. I told her of my strange experience upon waking and that I was not sure how to go about it or what to make of it. I told her I woke up with this strange foreign word on my forehead. By lunch time I asked her if she would go to a bookstore and locate or find a book titled “KUNDALINI”, as this was the word I woke up to and its cover is gold in color. I heard her grasp for air and she gave me the strangest, weirdest, oddest look. I was thinking I might have offended her. I began to think I went into a dangerous area or fear came over me. She excused herself and left my room. All kinds of thoughts were passing through my head. I was thinking I offended her for sure, or maybe I said something wrong. I did not know what to think. I just knew I did not want to ever hurt her and this pained me terribly. She was not gone very long before she finally returned to my room. She brought with her the very book I had asked her to look for and it was gold in color. WOW! Who would have thought? I had total goose bumps running up and down my body and weird tingling feelings throughout my body, so many images were passing thru my thoughts, I could not slow them down enough to know what they were. She shared with me her honest views on the subject and for me to go real slow if I decided this was for me. I told her that it must be for me if I was told about it without KNOWING of it or ever heard of such word. She agreed with me but she still held strong reservations. We continued to talk more about it and then she left me so I could go read up on this new book I just received. I am an avid voracious reader, this is one of my passions. I quickly finished the book. I consider myself extremely open minded and I have an ability of reading beyond words, I do have a special gift of insight that has a mind of its own.
After reading the book “I KNEW” this is what I was looking for and I desperately wanted this for me. So the next day I asked my housemate Oskar to bring me my laptop from home so I can do some internet researching on this subject. I did not tell him what I wanted or what for. I was afraid and apprehensive of how he would take my newfound interest so I kept it quiet. I was more interested in getting to the root of this Kundalini mystery. I quickly became dismayed as there was not much at that time about Kundalini on the web. But I did accept what there was and I learned much from that as well. I found that there was so little known actual information in the western era but so much in the Eastern. That was great…but I came into another issue…I did not know how to read Sanskrit or India language. I became frustrated and discouraged. I decided to try out our famous Fort Worth Central Library Inter-Library Loan service. This library had limited information and few books about Kundalini on hand. During my Inter-Library loan search I found so many books available throughout the various other 50 states and I quickly ordered as many as they would allow me to order at that time. I think it was 5 books at no charge and would take about 2-3 weeks to arrive. I was so excited when the books started arriving one by one as I finished each one. I made notes, files, folders, research material and so on. I was like a sponge soaking up any and all that I could find. I could not get enough I was obsessed with this. Talk about having OCD.
My next venture was to try to locate another being or group with whom I could communicate with locally or at least within 100 miles. I quickly ran into more problems there. During this time I had been going through many personal issues, cleaning up old baggage and past problems with family and such. I never did alcohol, drugs, or anything criminal and I was proud of myself for standing firm with that. I was having severe anxiety attacks and sought out professional help. I was having problems leaving my home, driving, sleeping, whatever. This became so unbearable that I would hide in my room for days on end. I tried so hard to break free of this prison of mine and no one I talked to would or could understood me and really thought I was losing it. I was afraid of myself and feared losing my own sanity. The professionals I did find - all they wanted to do was give me anti-depressive drugs, I tried Abilify, Paxel, Zoloft, Xanax, and so on. I absolutely hated the way I felt and what I was turning into…a complete zombie. All of this seemed like the longest days of my entire life trying to adjust and control my anxiety. I had run into a brick wall and I just did not know what else to do or where to turn. I quit all the anxiety drugs and threw them away. I knew they did nothing for me but make me numb. I cried for days, I prayed for guidance, support, anything. I finally gave up. I finally got around to talking to my friend Sandra and she asked me to explain in detail what I was experiencing when I had one of my anxiety attacks. So I did and when I was finished she gave me a link to a yahoo group and told me to read up on this as she felt this was what my issue was more related to and to take it from there. Since this was at my home I grabbed my laptop and looked at the link http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Empaths/
After reading this site I KNEW then that I was an EMPATH and I needed help in controlling my Empathic abilities. This group saved my life and brought me back to sanity. I met so many people in this group on and off and I can honestly say that I am now in control of my EMPATH abilities and I no longer have anxiety attacks of any kind. Now, I teach others how to control and removed unwanted emotions or whatever negativity that is the root cause of their anxiety or depression. In doing so, I help and grow myself. I enjoy being of service and kind to others. In all this time, adjusting to empathy abilities, I also came to terms with my intuitive abilities. I would shut them out. I did not want it. I always had intuitive knowing as a child and a mother who did not discourage this gift. MOM would actually talk me through it so I could understand the information I was receiving when I was much younger but when I became a teenager I became very quiet. If I knew something…I would just keep it to myself. It did not always work that way, sometimes I just had to say what was on my mind no matter what and face the consequences. There were many good points to this ability but there were also some sad points. Seeing good things before hand was super and I loved them, it was just the knowing of something bad or sad that I did not like. Most times those things were completely out of my control. I had to accept the reality of it. Today I am blessed with such wonderful abilities and I always use them for the greatest good and always in divine light. I am a past member of Kundalini Awakening group. I am well read on Kundalini but sometimes I wonder if I know anything at all. I did have a K experience that was very profound.
One night while sleeping I started to get uncontrollable freezing body chills and shakes. Now the weather here was the mid 70s which was warm, during the summer months. I tried the Pingala (right nostril) method to bring in more heat by closing off the Ida (left) nostril. It finally kicked in about 2 hours later. I finally returned to some type of normalcy. At that time I was experiencing too much body heat (fire) so the A/C is definitely on. So you probably figured out I was using the Ida method. My experiences with K have been strange and odd of the last year. I also remember one night while I was sleeping I had this deep burning (fire) sensation going up my spine from my tailbone. I saw the color red like burning flames. I remember having an OOBE and being in the cosmic…I noticed the many levels of ENERGY, in total darkness with a few stars shining and the feeling of being alone and abandoned. In the far distance I saw and an image I could not make out that was in vivid deep blue color. I could only see the deep green of her eyes and blue. I felt so alone in eternity if that’s the right word and these very powerful words came to mind or did I hear them, I do not recall but it was so profound 'All is One, One is All' and I panicked and jumped out of bed. Everything around me looked different, brighter, clearer, detailed, and crisp. For the first time in my entire I was experiencing extreme FEAR.
I was so weak at my knees I could not walk. I made it to my bedroom entry and was met there by my roommate Oskar at the same time. He looked at me and asked me if I was OK…he had a very concerned look on his face. I answered back that I am not so sure. I told him I had woken up from a strange experience and I just heard these words spoken…at the same time we said “All Is ONE and ONE is All”. We both became shocked and confused. This one took me a few days to grasp and to get my mind wrapped around. This was a total revelation so monumental to me that we are all one, everything and nothing. This was almost too much for me to comprehend. Over the remaining months I experienced many K symptoms and this group helped me to cope with and deal with the many K surprises that came up. I knew that I was not alone and others may or may not have yet experienced this exact K symptom. But many thanks to Chris Mitchell and Kundalini Awakening group, I have found that I was not alone and I was not going out of my mind. I am well read on Kundalini but sometimes I wonder if I know anything at all. I feel I need more guidance and assistance and do not know where to turn. So I am back here again. When I try to locate a support group in my area no one knows about K and are dumbfounded. That makes it hard for me to locate a person(s) who is going thru or had K experiences. So I usually go at it alone and make the best of whatever arrives.
About me: I reside in the wonderful city of Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas. I am male, 40 years old, single (not looking) and I work in the medical transcription field and I am currently studying to become a paralegal. I love to read anything and consider myself very open minded. I am also a very sensitive EMPATH.
... these very powerful words came to mind, or did I hear them, I do not recall but it was so profound; "All is One, One is All"