My name is Leslie. I am married to a wonderful man and the mother of two beautiful children, ages 10 and 8. I am 32 years of age.
To tell you the story of my awakening means I need to tell you my life story, practically. Now that I am at where I am at, I can look back at my life, and beginning at a very young age, I feel that I was being prepared for my “awakening”.
Some of the things that I am about to share with you, are so very personal to me, and it has taken me a lot of consideration and thought to even put this down in writing. For, I have only shared this with a small number of people in my lifetime. So small, I can count them on one hand. For some, these things may sound a little frightening, if not off the wall; however, this is my true story.
I grew up in a Christian based religious home. We went to church on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, and sometimes Bible Studies during the week. I also took part in going to youth Christian camps and activities, and even traveled with other teenagers to Haiti and Mexico to do mission work. I can tell you with all honesty, I never liked it. There is not one time that I enjoyed being at church. Feeling that way, made me feel like such a bad person inside, but, it was the truth. The only things that I really enjoyed were going to Haiti and Mexico, and that is because of all the wonderful people I met there, and the ways that I could help and forget about everything else. But for now, let me get back to the Christian home part. As a little girl, I would notice things that did not seem right to me. When I was told that I was a sinful person when I was born, that made no sense to me. When I was told that I absolutely without a doubt had to be baptized or I would go to Hell; that made no sense to me. When I was told that I had to go through someone else, the pastor, to get to God; that made no sense to me. When I saw people in the church acting in ways that did not appear to be ways of a nice person; that made no sense to me. When I saw my own mother acting in ways that weren’t nice to others; that made no sense to me. When I saw and heard my father sleeping all the time, slamming doors, yelling/screaming at us, hitting us, (and he was a church going man), those things made no sense to me. I would notice that a lot of people who went to church only acted nice AT church, and as soon as they walked out of the door, they turned into someone else. As a teen, when I knew other teens at church were having sex, drinking, and doing drugs, those things made no sense to me. However, I did not have a choice on going to church or not going to church. I was forced.
I knew I was a lot different from other people my age all my life. I was never that interested in doing the things that other kids my age would be doing. I also didn’t fit in with either the ‘popular’ crowd, or the ‘not popular’ crowd. I was friends with both crowds. I didn’t make fun of people like the others did. I never saw a reason for it, and thought it was cruel. In fact, I purposely befriended people who others made fun of. Because of this, I lost some friends. In fact, I lost two very good friends, best friends I would have called them. It was hurtful to me, but I soon realized that it didn’t matter. I was not going to be forced to ‘choose’ between being nice and being mean. I chose to be nice, and let them go.
I have to rewind some time here. I’m getting a head of myself. The purpose of the first two parts of this story is to let you know that I have always felt different.
I can remember being very little, probably 5 years old. I was sleeping, and was awakened in the middle of the night by the corner of my bed jumping wildly up and down. I got off of my bed, and looked, and my eyes saw ‘ants’ pushing the bed up and down. That is a description from the mind of a 5 year old child. Now, I can probably say I just saw darkness moving the bed. I ran into my parent’s room who told me it was only a dream, and I slept on the floor in their room. I KNEW this was not a dream.
I have to jump forward several years, because I don’t remember anything else happening until we moved into a new house, when I was 12. At the age of 12, I was lying in my room at night and a huge ball of white light appeared at my window. It was humming very loudly, so loudly I had to cover my ears. I again, ran into my parents’ room, and was told I was just dreaming and making it up. I went back to my own room, feeling like I was crazy. I wasn’t dreaming because I wasn’t asleep.
Fast forward to the age of 13. I had now moved rooms because my oldest brother had moved out of the house, and my other brother had moved into his old room, so I got to move into a bigger bedroom. Yay! Or so I thought. Until I began to feel uncomfortable in that room. I will never forget this for as long as I live. I was reading a book called ‘Loose the Chains’ which I got from the church library. I had finished it and had put it under my bed, along with all of my other stuff (junk). J That very night, I said good night to my parents and my cats, which were sleeping in their room. I stayed up very late at night, and I still do. Well, I was just laying in my bed, right after saying good night to them, and I remember I was laying on my right side, just thinking about things. I heard my cat walk into my room, because his paws made a familiar sound on the carpet, and felt him jump upon my bed. When I reached down to pet him he was not there. I looked around, and he wasn’t in the room. I called out to my parents to see where he was, and they said that both cats were asleep on their bed. I have to say, that gave me chills. BUT, I lay back down, in the same position. Shortly after laying down, I began to get cold chills down my neck and back, and felt really uncomfortable. The air was heavy. I began to be afraid. So, I tried to move so I could be facing my room instead of facing the wall. I could not move. I was paralyzed. I kept trying to move, and couldn’t. I felt myself being literally pushed into my bed, and it was causing me to panic. I tried to scream. Nothing came out of my mouth. At that point, whispering began into my left ear. I can still feel the hot breath in my ear and on my neck. The whispering became louder, until I noticed it was a deep voice, and it was not just one voice, it was several voices, and it was not even in English. I kept trying to scream to no avail. Finally, I was released, and I ran into my parent’s bedroom. This time, my mother told me I was being attacked by the devil, that I must have done something really evil. Well, because of what she told me, I really really really now felt like a horrible person. I had been a good person. I was nice to everyone. I did good things. I didn’t act up at school or at home. I didn’t talk back to my parents or to anyone. I never went to the principal’s office or anything like that. But here my mom was, telling me that I was evil. Did she really think that of me? Wonderful. I went into my room, found the book that I had been reading, along with a bunch of Stephen King books, gathered them all up, and then went outside and threw them down the sewer. I thought maybe it was something about the books.
From that point on, I experienced what I now know is sleep paralysis. Or at least, that is what the medical community calls it. However, most people don’t have sleep paralysis on a consistent basis. For me, it consists of loudly vibrating noises in my ears, usually my left ear, a ZAP sounds, or like a popping of a rubber band, my 6th chakra starts to charge up, and then, I spontaneously leave my body. I can look down and see myself lying there in bed. Sometimes, it’s not so easy and I don’t just pop out. Sometimes I feel like a rubber band trying to sit up and move out of myself. During these times, I see floating figures in white robes/hoods, usually in my doorway. I used to be scared of all of this, but now, it is just so normal that I just expect it to happen, and am no longer afraid.
When I was 15, my grandfather died. We were not particularly close to each other during this life really. When he was in the hospital, in his last days, I was there. I slept there overnight. I skipped school to be there. One night, the last night he was alive, I saw my other grandfather walking down the halls of the hospital. The thing is, that grandfather died when I was only 9. I followed him. I followed him down several hallways until he just disappeared. I was in shock! I then went back to my grandfather’s room, and as he was taking his last breath, he said my name. And he was gone. All of a sudden, I was struck with such grief. I was distraught. On the day of his funeral, I was nearly inconsolable. Going to my grandparent’s house afterwards I watched my grandma crumple to the floor at the sight of my grandpa’s overalls hanging on the door in their parlor. Everyone was gathered in the living area of the old farm house. They were all talking and laughing. I had to use the bathroom, so I went upstairs to the second floor. This bathroom had a key hole, one of those big ones, where you would have to fill it with tissue paper so no one could see in. As I’m about to fill this key hole up, I hear boots walking across the wooden floor. My grandfather was the only one who wore boots. I mean, these boots were loud, walking right to the bathroom, and I saw a shadow right at the key hole. I was terrified, and then whatever it was was gone. I knew that ‘it’ was my grandpa. I went back downstairs, and everyone was still there. I could feel grandpa in the house. As I went to sleep that night, BOTH of my grandfathers came to me, in what I would call a visit, in a dream. They were glowing a radiant white light, they were smiling brightly, and they told me that they loved me, and that they were ok. From that point on, my grandfather has visited me often, and given me messages.
At the age of 18, I moved out of my parent’s house and out on my own. I struggled, but I worked hard and managed to survive. I know it sounds strange, but, my main motive was to move out so I would not have to go to church anymore. But, it’s the truth. I stopped going. I want to explain something. It’s not that I think that ‘church’ is bad. ‘Religion’ just isn’t my path. I believe in God. There is a God. There is a Universal Source. I just know that there are many paths, not just one. I don’t believe I need to go through anyone else to talk to my God; I don’t have to be baptized to be with my God. I do not believe in Hell. I do not believe in an angry, vengeful, judgmental God. My God is all loving. He is the Creator. He loves me and you and everyone else exactly the same. He has given us free will. He has given us this life to choose and to create and to be LOVE.
From an early age, and up until now, I have not been alone. There has always been some kind of activity going on, wherever I am at, and no matter where I move to. I have to call it paranormal activity. Once I moved out, I became a voracious reader. I have not picked up a book of fiction since the age of 16. All books are about my search into what I would call the unknown, my search for answers, for understanding, for truth. I must mention that all during my pre-teen and teen years, I began a form of automatic writing. I didn’t know that is what it was. However, when I had some serious questions about myself or anyone else for that matter, I began writing, and got the answers that I needed. These answers were always uplifting, joyful, and now I know that I had been having dialogues with my higher self.
I went through some dark times once I got married in my twenties. That relationship was an awful one, full of things that gave me some of my darkest hours, (and details I won’t put here) but one I would never NOT want to go through. I have two beautiful, wonderful children from that relationship. AND, I’ve learned so much about myself. During this marriage, I began to see auras. I had also expressed to him everything that happened in my life. He always thought I was crazy. I stopped reading books, which were my love. VERY LONG story short, that marriage ended.
About a year after that marriage ended, in 2002, I met my current husband. We married in 2005. From the beginning, I told him everything that has happened to me in my life. He is very supportive, and has had some things happen to him as well. Several times, I have been touched by something that isn’t there, I will feel what feels like fingers walk up my skin, the bed sheets consistently move and get tugged, and I will feel someone ‘sit down’ beside me.
Here is where the actual ‘awakening moment’ occurs. I n 2003, my ex-husband and his new girlfriend decide to stir things up in all of our lives. They terrorized my daughter, because she thought my daughter looks like me, so she has never liked her. They like boys, so my son is favored. They were very irresponsible and we ended up going through a 2 ½ year court battle, which finally ended the way I wanted it to, in the best interests of my beautiful children. Now, things with my daughter when she is at her dad’s house are no better, but, the courts and attorneys don’t understand, and don’t really want to have to deal with all of that. I can’t do anything to protect her while she is in his care. While she is with me, she is happy, but she still never wants to go there, and she is now 10. During that 2 ½ years, I was overcome with grief for my kids. I went into a deep depression, because I was supposed to be the one who protected them from harm, and it was like I couldn’t do anything. The court system and attorney just didn’t seem to care very much. I mean, I had the darkest of dark nights. I would recite the Lord’s Prayer and The Lord is My Shepherd all day long to get me through this time. I felt that if I couldn’t protect my kids, I didn’t even want to be alive. Once everything with the courts was over, I felt like a humongous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. That weight had been there for so long, and now, I could really just focus on loving my kids and raising them in a loving, happy, and stable environment. It would have to be up to me when they were with me to teach them, to guide them, and to listen to them. I couldn’t make their father a good father. He would choose to do what he chose to do in his life. I couldn’t control that. All of a sudden, a LIGHT went on.
When the court process ended in June of 2006, everything changed in my life. I became a voracious reader once again. This time, it was to seek answers, to seek the truth. I came across a channeling by KRYON. At first, I thought, if I read this channeling, I really must keep this to myself, because no one would believe in this. But, I was used to keeping things to myself. I was pulled to read the channeling’s as well as listen to them. They were full of messages that just stuck to me like glue. Everything I read and heard from KRYON really resonated within my soul, to the point in which they moved me to tears and filled me with joy. From there, I found the movie, ‘THE SECRET’. I learned a LOT from the movie, and then began reading about Quantum Physics and so on and so forth. I realized that I was becoming a completely different person. I began to see aura’s again. I also began to see some things when I was outside that awed me. I could see sparkles flying in the air. Not just sparkles in one place, but everywhere I looked. They were brilliant lights. I began to see what looked like a 3-D movie in the sky. I can look at the sky and just zone out, and see the energy moving back and forth, in and out, and the energy was full of colors. I began to see a grayish mist moving in front of me no matter where I went. I felt like it was a type of veil between this world and the next dimension. While lying in bed at night, I would see faces, and some of these people would talk to me, but I didn’t know who they were. Everything was so beautiful. The clouds, the sky, all of the birds, the animals. I was filled with absolute bliss. All of these things have been around me my entire life, and they were just taken for granted. I began to realize that everything that had gone on in my life was leading me to this moment of awakening. I realized that I could know instantly everything about a person the moment I saw them. I began to be very NON judgmental about people, situations, and things. I began to ‘trust’ in what was happening to me. I found a quote that completely struck a chord within me by Buddha.
"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."
I had been living my entire life based on what other people thought. I was a follower, because it was the easiest thing to do. But, not anymore. It was time for me to take back my power, to begin to shine my light wherever and whenever I could. I began to meditate as much as I could. During these times, the bodily sensations were out of this world. Vibrations running from my toes to the top of my head, and out my crown. Pressure in the middle of my forehead, where my sixth chakra lies. My heart wanted to explode with joy at every moment. My hands began to heat up and so did my feet. I saw a green glow around them. Once when my daughter was very very ill, to the point of having to go the ER several times, I placed my hands upon her, and she felt better. Whoa! I began to read about healing, and knew hat it was not ‘me’ that was healing, it was light and energy that came from the Divine Source, which was ever flowing, never to run out. Soon, whenever my kids had gotten sick, or hurt, they began to ask me to put their hands on them. I now use this healing, but can do it with just intent to help to heal others. I do a lot of meditating and have many discussions with my higher self. Going within has been a message I have received a lot. I can’t find all of the answers to my own life in books or from someone else. My message was ‘go within’. I began a method of forgiveness. I started with my parents and went from there all the way to my ex-husband and his girlfriend. I forgave. I realized that I was the creator of my entire life. I had created everything that had happened, had brought it to myself. I took the responsibility for that and for the outcomes. I took my power back. No one could ‘make’ me feel any certain way. They didn’t have that kind of power over me. I had choices. I chose life. I chose love. I chose light. I choose to live right now, instead of in the past, or even in the future. I know that we are all spiritual beings living in physical form. Our bodies are tools to lift others, to lift life itself in all places up. Our bodies are tools of creation. Each and every person, animal, plant, every living thing are all connected. We are all one.
I found the Kundalini Group through Chrism in November of 2006, and he and the group have taught me so much. It’s an everyday learning process. Awakening will continue. It isn’t a one day thing. All I can say is that I feel so much love, so much bliss, and so much joy for what I have learned, and who I am today, that I hope and know that I can help others who have gone through, or are going through some of the same things.
I know that we are all spiritual beings living in physical form.
Our bodies are tools to lift others, to lift life itself in all places up.
Our bodies are tools of creation. Each and every person, animal, plant,
every living thing are all connected.